Spilling My Guts, Once Again

I'm in bed
where I have been for the better part of the past four weeks.

And while it has been a struggle to keep myself in bed
resting
recovering
getting better

and healing...

it truly has become
the
better
part
of my last four weeks.

I have been in bed
taking it easy--
for four weeks,

to allow
more than a hundred internal stitches
muscle tissue
organs
and
blood vessels
to become what they need to be

once again.

I am missing parts.
I am missing 6 parts I was born with.
I had six pieces of my insides
taken
out

and I had other areas cleaned
scraped
stripped
re-attached
repositioned
and
burned away

And I am grateful for it.

I am grateful for
every
bit of it.

But,
I am especially grateful
extremely thankful
for the past four weeks.

I am
deeply affected
and
dramatically moved
by what
these past four weeks
have given me.

I was given a gift
through this surgery.

I left the hospital
physically
emptier than I have ever been in my life.

And
have arrived at this writing,
fuller than I have been in years

While parts were taken from me,
much more was given
to
me.

These weeks,
were
an opportunity
a gift
(hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime chance to


do





nothing




but
think
reflect
pause
contemplate
absorb
connect
consider
meditate
examine
conclude
and
realize.

And,
as a result of this time,
I have spent four weeks
re-living
releasing
forgiving
accepting
allowing
believing
trusting
receiving
understanding
prioritizing

my life
my relationships
my needs
my wants
my
self:

mentally,
emotionally,
physically,
and
spiritually.

And at the end of four weeks
with two more weeks to go
before I am at the end of my
recovery period,

I have new
hope
peace
energy
enthusiasm
drive
love
and
intention

for
the life I have ahead of me
the people I love
the people who love me
and the future that is mine.

I have less need for
things
and
stuff
and

circumstances which are
wastes
of my
energy
and
time
and
emotions
and

love.

This time
has taught me
about what matters
who matters
and how I want to spend my energy
from here on out.

And,
perhaps more importantly,
how I

don't

want to spend my energy
my thoughts
my emotions
my life

from here on out.

So,
now,
I am here to write about it
share what I have figured out
express what I have decided
clarify what I now understand.

I wish
everyone
(and I mean, EVERY ONE)
could go through what I just experienced
for four weeks.

Maybe not the surgical pain part
(though, I learned even through that).
Maybe not the pain that landed me in the hospital in the first place
(though even that part is critical to the lessons I am learning).
But,
the rest part...
the four weeks of resting

The Four Weeks.

Many days alone
spent with myself
to think
about the people in my life
the hurts of my past
the failed friendships
the strained relationships
the annoyances and let-downs
the past mistakes
the future hopes

and what really matters

to
me.

It would be
beneficial
life-altering
relationship strengthening
personally challenging
family empowering
spiritually renewing
for
everyone
to spend
four weeks
doing nothing.

I don't mean
getting away from it all
or vacationing
or relaxing.

I mean
doing
nothing.

No serving or doing for others
No working
No performing
No activities
No busy-ness

No showing off
or showing-up
or putting on a show

No interference
No commitments
No displays
No excuses
No faking
No impressing
No involvement with the outside

No intentions...

other
than

to

heal.


Imagine,
if we all took time to heal.

Imagine if
we
had

time

to
heal.

Imagine if
we had
to take
that kind of time
on
our
selves

to think
forgive
renew
face
accept

and

heal.


I have a new
favorite
way
to spend my time....

healing.

It's a life-changer.

There's more to come.
Meet me here again,
soon.

Becky