Wednesday, August 25, 2010

NEW BLOG UP AND RUNNING!

For those who have sent me notes with comments and questions about how I lost 100 lbs (see the YouTube link below), I have started another BLOG devoted (almost exclusively) to stuff related to weight loss. You can link to it from "View My Complete Profile," right there>>>> under that Contemplative-Writer-Type picture of Yours Truly. Or you can do it the old fashioned way by copying and pasting this:

dancepartyforone.blogspot.com

I am very excited and encouraged by everyone's interest and support! Can't wait to see where my new blog takes me and how it helps and inspires others...because THAT is my hope!

I will still be here, blogging on Truth Time
as I have in the past
reflecting on the things in life
that are teaching me
more and more
about myself

The response to my weight loss story
has been a shining light to me....
that people, mostly women,
need to hear each others stories.
And we need to be told those stories with
honesty
openness
and above all,
vulnerability

That's what I've been hearing
That's what your notes have been saying to me
Thank you for sharing openly
Thank you for putting to words, what I feel
I needed hope
I needed someone to understand
I need someone to help show me the way

More than ever,
I want to be open
I want to peel back the layers and let my heart
OUT
I want to examine my life and share the results
without all the filters
and pretense
and insincerity
and falsehood
I am prone to use to cloak the real, faltering, genuine Me.

I want to be more transparent
because I am finding
the more I reveal about myself,
the more my fears of rejection and judgement
diminish,
because each time I come clean,
about the truth
about ME,
I am met with friendship, community and acceptance.
And it fills me up.

So here's to emptying myself out
and finding myself refreshed, renewed
and content
and in very Good Company



Tuesday, August 17, 2010

100 of the Greatest Results of Losing 100 lbs.

(Note: I have been sitting on this post for MONTHS. Honestly...months. I wrote it soooo long ago {and had it rattling around in my head for months before that}, but shied away from posting it. I wanted to wait until I felt safe enough to let the world "in" on my life....my struggle...my success. I lost the 100, a while back. I've kept it off. I'm opening up. And letting it out. Reminding myself, and revealing more of the layers of me. The Authentic, Filled-With-Flaws-But-Changing-and Growing....Me.)



100. Being able to post before and after pics (NEXT TIME)
99. Not having to hide behind other people when cameras are flashing
98. Having one chin
97. No longer having to buy WIDE shoes (because my feet went down a size and width)
96. Having a neck
95. Wearing belts
94. Discovering it's easy to climb a flight of stairs without gasping
93. Double-takes in the mirror because I don't recognize myself
92. Trying on smaller and smaller (and smaller) sizes
91. Looking forward to bathing suit shopping
90. Surprising friends (and non-friends) who haven't seen me in a long time
89. Getting on the scale at the doctor's office, and being happy
88. Riding a roller coaster, and listening to the harness go: click, click, click, click, click... (instead of hoping it catches after ONE click)
87. Having normal sized eyes in my head, instead of squinty ones
86. My children saying I'm pretty
85. Liking what I see in the mirror
84. Having a selection of stores for shopping
83. Posing for pictures with my old jeans, like they do on TV
82. Recognizing MY problems are of MY own making
81. Feeling like I can do ANYTHING
80. Inspiring others
79. Off-the-charts confidence
78. Discovering my husband, re-discovering ME!
77. No longer having migraines
76. Being able to walk without my thighs rubbing together
75. Knowing I look better at 40, than I did at 30...and 20...and 15...
74. Wanting to meet new people, rather than hiding
73. Finding creative ways to reward myself for every 10 pounds I lost
73. Filling my closet with color, rather than always wearing black
72. Knowing I am FINALLY, on the outside, who I've always been, on the inside
70. Admitting it is a CHOICE to live as a victim and resist change
69. Going strapless
68. Dropping 8 sizes
67. ENERGY
66. Having a husband who can't keep his hands off me
65. My children being able to completely wrap their arms around my waist and hold on to their own elbows
64. Sitting comfortably in movie theatre seats
63. Going down two ring sizes
62. Learning I can refuse to give up, sit back or wallow in SELF
60. Being proud of myself
59. Waking up NOT SORE in the morning
58. Not sweating (as much!)
57. Celebrating it as a permanent change, because I took 18 months to do it
59. Embracing and accepting that I really can re-start my life whenever I choose
58. Finding mental, emotional and physical strength I never knew I had
57. Feeling and being emotionally free and open
56. Knowing my husband is proud of me
55. Finding supportive friends in new places
54. Letting people in on my struggles, rather than shutting them out
53. Clear skin
54. Having a better body than ever before in my life
53. Watching The Biggest Loser and knowing I did it, without a trainer, chef, surgery or diet
52. Watching The Biggest Loser and NOT thinking, "One Day I will do that..."
51. Getting a part-time job so I can buy new clothes
50. Giving my clothes away when they get too big
49. Liking Every Single Item in my closet
48. Dressing like a woman instead of a mom
47. Having a waist
46. Discovering my legs are a lot better than I thought
45. Realizing how much my weight, was weighing me down emotionally
44. Understanding my weight had become a suit of armor I used to protect myself
43. Re-learning how to shop and dress for my body-type
42. Finding out I ACTUALLY have a body type
41. Having a man ask for my phone number at the grocery store
40 Having a stranger buy me a dozen roses at another grocery store
39. Seeing a surprised look from people when they find out I have four kids (as they give me the "once-over" from head to toe)
38. Celebrating Every Single Day of My Life, Because I Took It Back, and Became ME, Again!
37. Shopping at Victoria's Secret
36. Strutting around in things from Victoria's Secret
35. Rediscovering my love of music...and dancing
34. Not being fat
33. Getting clothes for Christmas instead of "stuff"
32. Putting my 11 year-old son on my back and walking around for ten minutes...to remind me I carried THAT much extra weight for a decade
31. Drinking LESS wine, and it having a stronger effect (who am I kidding, I don't drink any less than before)
30. Eating cheesecake, donuts, nachos and Reese's without fear that I'm going to gain it all back if I treat myself, every now and then.
29. Decreasing my risk of diabetes
28. Knowing I've set a good example for my daughters by taking responsibility for, and control of, my health
27. Knowing my children are not embarrassed by my size (now I can embarrass them in other ways)
26. Feeling beautiful
25. Believing this is just the beginning of new things in my life
24. Watching 90% less TV (my favorite snacking time), and it not bothering me one bit
23. Buying fashion magazines and attempting what I see
22. Not feeling jealous or envious of women who managed to lose their pregnancy weight and look great as moms
21. Connecting with the woman in me and becoming a better wife and mother, because of it
20. Not having to unbutton my pants after eating out
19. Realizing mayo doesn't really change the flavor of a great burger, so I can leave it off
18. Finding myself getting cold on a chilly night and needing to wear socks to bed.
17. Choosing to NEVER look SCHLUMPY again, because I did that for 10 years and looked like crap most of the time
16. Wearing my hair pulled back, and liking my face
15. Wearing my hair straight because I don't have to hide behind big hair
14. Growing my hair past my shoulders because I like how it looks on my smaller face
13. Climbing on top of the house to hang Christmas lights without being afraid I'll step through the roof
12. Looking FORWARD to being 45 and 50 and 55 and so on...because Everything is Different now. I am different...now.
11. Not having to come up with "funny" one liners about my size and weight--getting to think of one-liners that are actually FUNNY and not self-deprecating


AND THE TOP 10 GREATEST RESULTS OF LOSING 100 POUNDS:

10. Feeling TALL (for the first time), rather than BIG-BONED

9. Getting to post this:
I currently weigh
30 pounds less than on my wedding day
35 pounds less than when I graduated from college
20 pounds less than I did on the day a boyfriend told me he might be more attracted to me if I'd lose ten pounds (stupid that I remember this almost 20 years later...but sometimes words hurt and linger long after break-ups.)
(By the way, I forgive you...I realize you were young then and didn't know better--right?)
and
12 pounds less than when I graduated from high school.
I am not skinny, nor do I want to be,
but I do wear the same size jeans
I wore when I was 13,
in the 8th grade

8. Knowing my husband weighs a WHOLE lot more than me...NOW

7. Having collar-bones

6. Wearing VERY high heels and boots, because in them, I look taller, thinner and sexier...and my feet don't hurt because there are 100 fewer pounds bearing down on them.

5. Getting a tattoo to commemorate, mark and celebrate the whole experience of meeting my goals and changing my life.

4. Being surprised by an amazing, powerful love for myself and from others I never knew before.

3. Gaining the courage to post this list--letting everyone know what I've accomplished, because the shame I felt about NEEDING to lose 100 pounds, is now a part of my PAST, my HISTORY, my STORY, and it does not define ME, my PRESENT or my FUTURE.

2. Recognizing that overcoming the greatest struggle and area of personal disappointment/failure I have felt in my entire life, is worth shouting, singing, dancing and blogging about--even if it means people who didn't know it, find out I used to be really fat.

1. Knowing that no matter what,
completely regardless of the 100 pounds,
even if I hadn't lost the weight,
even if I needed to lose 200 or 600 pounds,
and never
even tried
to lose it,
God loves me
and gave His Son to, and for me
to make me right with Him.

Knowing that God looks at my heart,
and
loves me
because of Who HE is,
and
finds me to be pleasing because of Jesus.

Knowing that He knows
and
loves me...
and
is
very
fond
of me.
No matter what.

Resting in the assurance,
confidence
and truth
that my body is just a shell, anyway
A house-of-sorts, for my soul.
A temporary place where my spirit and His, reside.
For now...
Until one day,
when I am greeted
face to face
with open arms
by Him...

Weightless
Healthy
Flawless
and
Whole
for all eternity

That is worth more than 100 Million pounds of gold.