Sunday, September 12, 2010

Let Freedom Ring

I eat dessert first (sometimes)
I eat my favorite chicken salad for breakfast (on occasion)
I head to the movies when my kids are in school (once a week, in August)
I put on make-up & re-do my hair at night, just to try new things (quite often)
I don't make my bed every morning
I eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the box
I don't return all of my phone calls
I wear my over-the-knee boots around the house (in August)
I put on lipstick to check the mail
I try on dresses at the store, that I'd never wear in public
I wear in public, dresses some of you would never wear in your life
I wear skirts and dresses to school events
I wear heels to school meetings
I skip a real dinner sometimes, and fill up on wine
I buy pretty notecards I might never use, because I like them
I have three American Girl dolls, I don't let my girls play with
I don't finish reading books I don't like
I cut pages out of InStyle magazine & tape them into my Fashion Journal
I change to & start a new bottle of shampoo, when my other bottle isn't empty
I give/receive make-overs from my 7 year-old daughters
I don't volunteer at school. Really
I make my kids do their homework by themselves
I don't walk my kids to the bus stop
I let my kids skip school for Mental Health Days
I play Christmas music whenever the mood strikes
I slip treats under my kids' pillows for no reason at all
and I swear

Today, I bought a sweater.
A yummy, textured, burnt orange,
ruffle-y collared

And it was 82 degrees out.
But I wanted to wear it.
I cranked the AC,
Put on my sweater,
and a pair of jeans,
and a pair of boots,
lit my LEAVES scented candle in one room
and my PUMPKIN PIE candle in another
And sat in my Dining Room
which is ALWAYS decorated for Autumn.
I looked at and studied
the pumpkins,
and pine cones
in my favorite ceramic trays
arranged with
bark-covered candles and
And I was delighted
I felt Fall
I felt all the wonderful things I love about
and ignored the fact that my kids were in shorts
and had been throwing water balloons a little earlier in the yard.
I escaped from the reality that Mike had mowed the yard on Saturday because the grass is still growing like crazy.
I allowed myself to experience TODAY
what is probably another 6 weeks from being TRUE

I did this today,
and do all the other things I listed above
I am free.
I am free to do them.
I have finally given myself the FREEDOM to
and have fun
and enjoy
and grab hold of, the things that bring me joy
and enhance my wonder, of this beautiful thing I have

I have been hung up
for so long
on doing things RIGHT
or being RIGHT
Abiding by Laws and Rules
of my own making,
or by cultural,
grown-up or
"what's expected"

I spent too much time,
years, decades even,
DOING things I didn't want to do
or NOT doing things I REALLY wanted to do
because the calendar
the season
the neighbors
or other moms
or other wives
or other southerners
or other religious people
or other Williamsons or Usserys
DID them or DIDN'T do them.

I am, by nature
A Pleaser
A Rule Keeper
A Good Girl
(still true, all of the above)

But now,
I am an adult.
I waited all of my young life,
to Grow Up....
and I love being a grown up.
I love being a woman.
It is now time,
for me to
step into,
walk through
and enjoy
all the experience,
I have at my disposal.

I am not a rebel
I am not out to buck the system
or do destructive things

But I am ready
to LIVE.
To live FULLY ALIVE and Awake!

I can say NO
when I don't want to do something

I can say
"I'll think about it"
When I'm not sure
and need more time to consider

I can
Change My MIND
in the middle of almost anything.
I can.
I am free to do that
and will take responsibility for my actions when
doing so necessitates it.

I can say YES to doing things
I have wanted to do
(but have NOT done because I felt silly or immature doing them
or considered FIRST what other people would think,
rather than what I wanted.)

I can put on a cozy sweater
and rig the AC to make the house chilly,
so I can savor a 30 minute preview
of my favorite season-to-come,
SIX weeks before it gets here.

There is absolutely
with being free.

Let Freedom Ring
(I've decided to listen to Elvis sing, Blue Christmas before I head to bed tonight.)

L, thank you for getting me thinking about this.
You are my inspiration for this post.
I love you, Becky


  1. I love this post. And I laughed out loud when I read that you have 3 American Girl Dolls for yourself. I have a secret wish to have many of those dolls for myself too! I play with my girl's dolls more than they do. And, I love the orange sweater - if it's the one in your profile pic. So pretty.