On Being Ugly

Pretty is, as Pretty does.

So does Ugly.

I have come across a slew

a generous amount

a very sad heap

of Ugliness

lately.

I have been feeling

Ugly.

I have been

feeling

the ugliness

of

others,

the inner

anger

disappointment

sadness

unhappiness

and even

vengeance

of people who

are truly, deeply

without a doubt

riddled with 

inner ugliness.

And no,

they are not even being ugly to me.

I am not the target of their ugliness.

I am an observer.

I encounter them

in the lives

of people I love.

I had a wonderful, gracious mother

who, upon hearing me

speak badly of someone else

spout off a sarcastic remark

or belittle another person,

would simply say,

"Rebecca. Don't be ugly."

I'd joke in response and add,

"Uh, Mom. This is the only face I've got.

I'm doing the best I can..."

She'd sigh and shake her head.

Ugly is not a commonly-used word.

It's certainly not a polite term to use

in describing someone.

But

it's there.

They are there.

Women

Men

even some children

who are, for lack of a more delicate word...

ugly.

They are ready to fight,

claim their rights

complain

spout off

attack

mistreat

take another person down

destroy and reject...

because

of 

something

going on,

in 

their

insides.

We see the world

and react

out of

what is done to us,

in and through

our relationships

our work

our disappointments

our weaknesses

the way we are treated

and

everything else.

It's all based on

what 

is

inside

of us.

It's the "Glass Half Empty" Syndrome.

But it's our hearts, not a glass.

It's our past...

our hurts

our previous chapters

our broken this-and-thats

our neglected souls

our abandoned dreams

our 

disenchanted realities

unrealized hopes

unmet needs

and

drained expectations,

which siphon

our hearts

and leave us 

half

empty.

Which we

allow

to leave us

half empty.

We do have the power,

We are capable of holding on

to what is in our hearts.

We do have something else

that helps us retain,

even increase

what is in our hearts.

We are all equipped with stoppers

corks

and

plugs

to patch the holes,

stop the leaks

and keep our

hearts...

our selves.

Our peace.

Plain and simple.

Straight forward.

Blunt as I can make it...

forgive.

Forgiveness keeps our glass,

our hearts

Half-Full-and-Getting Fuller.

Forgiveness

Letting Go

Moving On

Accepting

Releasing

Loving

Allowing Change

Breathing in, Hope

Choosing Grace

Showing Mercy.

These

are

Beauty.

These are what

bolster my spirit

make me whole

set me free

strengthen my response

tenderize my words

light my countenance

and

manifest as beauty within.

These are the eyes

with which I want to view the world

the people I meet

the friends who disappoint me

those who hurt me 

and let me down

or weave themselves into my life,

taking what they want

spewing venom

delivering a cold shoulder

tossing judgements

withholding love

ignoring me or

spreading half-truths,

while

claiming righteousness

vindication

or justice.

I really don't want to be ugly.

I want to be lovely.

Lovely is even better than Beautiful.

Loveliness expresses herself in:

kindness

understanding

patience

compassion

strength

confidence

gentleness

dignity

and

class.

Yes,

Beauty is often only skin deep

and

Ugliness screams from the core of our hearts,

but

Loveliness....

Loveliness 

edifies

refreshes

smoothes and softens

harsh encounters with Half-Empty People,

with hurt and broken hearts,

who haven't yet learned to forgive and release

the past 

which drains them of their beauty and joy.

Today

and tomorrow,

and hopefully

even when I'm old and wrinkly,

I 

won't 

be 

ugly.

It's really just a choice.

I choose to do what 

I need to do

what I must do

what I can do,

to forgive

Now.

So I won't

ever

end up

Ugly.

I simply refuse to be ugly.