I Know Better

The year is wrapping up.
There are only weeks left
until I can put this year behind me.
Finish it.
Close the book.
Send it packing.

Only weeks
a few days
and
2011 will be history
2012 will begin
a new calendar
a new set of months

I am on the cusp of Christmas
I am not rushing to pass it
I am not busying it away
I am sitting here,
embracing it
basking in it
knowing this Christmas
is different

This Christmas is unlike any other.

Any
Other.

For me.
For my children.

This Christmas is more tender
more meaningful
more needed
more treasured and valued
more humble
more sincere
more gentle
more genuine
more poignant

Because, I know better this Christmas
what I am celebrating
what I am savoring
what I am
who I am

and why He came.

I know better this year,
than any other
Why He came.

I know better this year,
that I need a Savior
that I need Hope
that I need Him with me
that I need the Friend who sticks closer than a brother
that I need the Peace that passes understanding
that I need a Redeemer
that I need Love

I know that I am filled with flaws
and selfishness
and weakness
and hurt
and ache
and despair.

And

I know He loves me
His love is perfect
His love is patient
He is fond of me
He has come because of His great love
for me.

He knows
how dark
how common
how frail
how fragile
how needy
how fickle
my heart can be

He knows the weakness of my will
and the strength of my stubborn-ness

He knows the depth of my self-absorption
and the shallowness of my empathy

He knows the ins and outs of my life
the things hidden
the things buried
the things denied
the things I cannot face
admit
or
acknowledge

He knows the hurts.
He knows who has hurt me
and whom I have hurt.
He knows.
And He brings healing.

He knows those I have left behind
and those who have left me.
He knows.
And He stays with me.

He knows the truth of me.
All of the truths of me.

And He loves me.
He sees my beauty
my vulnerability
my need for Him.

And He is here.
He came in humility.
He came in skin
Skin like mine.

He came with vulnerabilities
He came dependent on others
He came in a position of infancy....
a position where He experienced all...
All
All that I experience.

Hunger
Loneliness
Sleeplessness
Sorrow
Human hurt
Human pain
Human disappointment
Rejection
Misunderstandings
Judgement
Loss

He came.
He knows.
He came to redeem me.
To love me.
To forgive me.
To make me His.
He came to make a way for me to be whole
and clean
and complete
and united
With Him.

I know better this Christmas,
than I have ever known
that I need Him.
Really, truly need Him.

And I know better this Christmas,
than I have EVER known,
that He has met that need.

He has met my need
for love
for forgiveness
for hope
for a future
for grace
for understanding
for compassion
for restoration

He has met my need.
I am secure in Him.
In His love
In His forgiveness.

This Christmas
I am worshiping Him
I am bowing low
so
very
low
with weeping....

because I am grateful
so very grateful
for
Him...

I know Him better
love Him better
need Him better
worship Him better
because of 2011

Merry Christmas.
Merry Beautiful Christmas, Everyone.