I remember where I was, this day 11 years ago.
(as everyone else does, I'm certain).
But,
I also remember where I was the day after:
Disney World
and the emergency room.
On September 12th, we packed up
3 year-old Tucker
and 1-year old Tatum
and drove to Orlando, to take a trip we had already planned.
Our President had told us to "carry-on"
to continue living
and not let the horror gripping our nation
and our hearts
halt us
or keep us from the freedoms
we had taken for granted
the day before.
It was a difficult decision to make,
one I'm sure very few would have made.
But we went.
With broken hearts
and confused thoughts.
We went.
That night,
after we checked into our hotel,
we took the kids to the pool
and Tucker had an accident.
Sliced a gaping wound on the top of his foot
which needed stitches.
Hotel security called for an ambulance,
and Tucker and I climbed inside for a trip away from
"The Happiest Place on Earth"
to a hospital...
where I waited in a dripping bathing suit
for Tucker to get three shots and multiple stitches.
We were finished in no time,
and were ushered back to the hotel--
finishing out our trip.
Watching news reports and memorial services
in the hotel lobby and restaurants
with other guests
all trying to make sense of the chaos.
It was a
Surreal
Ironic
Stoic
and
Numbing
experience,
to 'vacation' while
mustering a
Forced Hopefulness
Determined Peace
and
Quieted Acceptance
in the midst of a very
Uncertain Tomorrow
But...
(not to diminish any of that...
not to take away from the remembering
and honoring
and acknowledging of the fallen
and the heroes
and missing
going on today...)
But,
I have been thinking
(again)
and connecting
(again)
today,
with how I felt then
and many, many times
since
then...
That LIFE is just kind of like that.
In this life
in today
in NOW,
there is confusion
and heart-ache
and devastation
and loss
and unexplainable difficulty
and out-of-left-field hurts
and blind-siding anguish
and shock.
And sometimes...
the hits just keep coming.
Sometimes,
even when we are doing our best to cope
and handle
and move on
and let go
and accept
and embrace...
we get kicked when we are
already
down.
And it feels like too much
and like there isn't even enough reason to
push through
and try.
But,
alas
as we know...
as we all know
we
are still
here
today
I am here.
I am looking back
at an anniversary-of-sorts.
My life has changed.
Life around me has changed.
And I am not
in
the
same
exact
place
I
was
before.
Life does go on.
Decisions are made
Memories are created
the sun rises
love begins
hope springs.
We grow
We reach
We see
We live
We continue.
Like
life,
I do not stay in the same place
(at least, I do not have to)
I can look for the good
set my face toward the sun
feel warmth
and love
and a renewed sense of purpose
and freedom
and destiny
Because,
I am
still
very
much
here
and
very
much
alive.
And I am going to
keep going
and loving
and feeling
and becoming.
I am not going to long for a
different
simpler
easier
more innocent
time.
I am going to look at where I am now,
what I have learned
who I have become
how I want to live my life
and where I want to be tomorrow.
Because
there is
always
always
always
a
day
after
and
I'm still here
to live it.
